I was feeling double... triple upset yesterday... and so messaged some friends... and was just thinking how I really don't depend on God's strength to do things... Maybe I felt tired, felt really burnt out... and was doing ReZource minutes after a whole day's work at uni and pharmacy... This whole week has been a hectic week... with choir practices, cell, ZLM... actually come to think of it, I arrive home at 11+ everyday except for Monday... that was why I was like super tired... especially yesterday, probably cuz it was the last day of the week... Felt like... "wow... so many things haven't been done... assignments piling up... grades haven't been up there..." and I was just sooooo upset... plus I've been down with illness recently...

Of course it didn't help that my mum messaged me and told me to take care of myself...

I just missed her heaps... missed home heaps... I really felt like just sa3 jiao1-ing... and just being a little girl... then I started crying... and crying...

Maybe the tears were like waste of fluid from the body... But anyway... I was just very tired and stuff... and then yeah... was just like sobbing... I was quite happy that I started to cry... cuz like it really hurts to be wanting to cry, yet not be able to cry...

Then I did my minutes... and then I was just lying in bed, listening to my mp3... then I received a call from a friend... the first thing he asked me was... "are you oK?" and then he said I sounded like I've just been crying... haha... and I was like... telling him how I'm starting to rely too much on human strength... and not God's strength...and he was just telling me... like I should relax... spend more time on myself... because that's just Satan's attacks... making me tired so that I lose focus on God... which is very true... and he said that happened to him before... and we were just talking about it... but I was more of listening... cuz I was so tired... Crying really tires you out... I hate to cry... but at the same time, it releases emotions you bottle up... and he prayed for me... and told me to go to bed... THANKS... if U ever read this... THANKS... tho I know you are super ANTI blog... but I just want to say THANKS...

The call sure calmed me down... and I just went to bed after that...

Went to work today... then met up with Canning College frenZ... went back to Canning... then looked around... then came home and sleep...

Was thinking of this song... cuz Adeline sent it to me...


Heaven Knows
by Carol Banawa
album: Follow Your Heart (2003)
He's always on my mind,
from the time i wake up
'till i close my eyes
he's everywhere i go
he's all i know
'Though he's so far away
it's just keeps getting stronger
every day
and even now he's gone
i'm still holding on
So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let him go
chorus:
Maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows
My friends keep telling me
that if you really love him
you've gotta set him free
and if he returns in kind
i'll know he's mine
So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let him go
chorus
Why i live in despair
'cause while awake or dreaming
i know he's never there
and all these time i act so brave
i'm shaking inside
why does it hurt me so...
chorus
heaven knows...

Sweet