After a 35min QT and really swollen and puffy eyes...

I realised one thing...

That everytime I am persecuted by my parents, God is sadder than I am...

Was scolded again for the 999999th time about going to church... This time by both dad and mum...

I shall not input details. Ask me in detail if U want to know.

Needless to say I was hurt. Very very much... to the extent that I started questioning God if I'm doing the right thing. I felt I cannot do it... I was so tempted to give up... really give up and just throw everything that I have got away... That is how weak I am... How timid I am behind that pretense that I give... indeed, it hurts to be misunderstood. But it hurts even more to be persecuted without being able to explain yourself.

BUT God is faithful. He showed me that even though I may be sad, He is even sadder than I am. I'm the child. It's normal for me to be scolded... But everytime I get scolded about Church, He is insulted... and his children (aka my parents) are denying him. And disowning him time and again... And that is just 2 people out of the 7 billion or more people who curse and deny him all the time...

And my heart just hurts for him... So much... that I started crying again... because it just hurt...

So now I am sitting down with an absolutely -(fill in the blank)- mood and swollen eyes...

Press on, whoever is persecuted for his righteousness...

Got this verse in my daily devotional... Felt that God was speaking to me. esp today.

Dec 25

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Ps 46:10

Because of his great love, He gave his only son. Everything was done so you could come. Come to the father, though your gift is small, broken hearts and broken lives, He can take it all...

And now, I feel that I can face any obstacle again... Because of His great love... I am made whole, and strong again...

I love you Daddy, thank you...