Proud sisters and the proud bride (to be)... love you da jie jie... Thanks for always always being there for me regardless... Thanks for loving me~!!!! You are truly a beautiful bride...

Adeline, Cheryl, me, mum, Byron(back)
4th aunt, 2nd aunt, 7th aunt, 7th uncle, yi zhang and ah yi

Not much of a change...

Extended family... cousins~!!!!!

Adeline, Me and er jie jie...

I love you all... haha just like wad adeline said... I wish i could have said that the wedding ended well... but it ended with vinegar, broken porcelain, rivalry and plenty of tears...

After a 35min QT and really swollen and puffy eyes...

I realised one thing...

That everytime I am persecuted by my parents, God is sadder than I am...

Was scolded again for the 999999th time about going to church... This time by both dad and mum...

I shall not input details. Ask me in detail if U want to know.

Needless to say I was hurt. Very very much... to the extent that I started questioning God if I'm doing the right thing. I felt I cannot do it... I was so tempted to give up... really give up and just throw everything that I have got away... That is how weak I am... How timid I am behind that pretense that I give... indeed, it hurts to be misunderstood. But it hurts even more to be persecuted without being able to explain yourself.

BUT God is faithful. He showed me that even though I may be sad, He is even sadder than I am. I'm the child. It's normal for me to be scolded... But everytime I get scolded about Church, He is insulted... and his children (aka my parents) are denying him. And disowning him time and again... And that is just 2 people out of the 7 billion or more people who curse and deny him all the time...

And my heart just hurts for him... So much... that I started crying again... because it just hurt...

So now I am sitting down with an absolutely -(fill in the blank)- mood and swollen eyes...

Press on, whoever is persecuted for his righteousness...

Got this verse in my daily devotional... Felt that God was speaking to me. esp today.

Dec 25

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Ps 46:10

Because of his great love, He gave his only son. Everything was done so you could come. Come to the father, though your gift is small, broken hearts and broken lives, He can take it all...

And now, I feel that I can face any obstacle again... Because of His great love... I am made whole, and strong again...

I love you Daddy, thank you...

To you, who just called me from Perth

U know who you are and I bet you're an ardent fan of my blog... *hehe don't deny*

Thanks for the call~! :) Feel really really blessed hey... Even though my day was already kinda good... and happy cuz the whole family's home, your call made me feel even better, and made me feel more blessed... Thank you so much...

OK I know I haven't blogged about U before...

Here goes about my friend...

It is a He

He is tall
He is strong and caring
He helps his friends whenever he can
He argues like crazy with me
He doesn't open car doors
BUT BUT BUT... he's "taken" me to lunch before... hahahaha~!!!!!

although I can't stand U when U complain bout my supposed hearing problems... BUT... U've been a great person I know and cherish nevertheless...

Using this Christmas to say "THANK YOU" For this is a time of thanksgiving...

The First and the LAST time U'd see me say this... cuz it's just not very my style towards you...

BUT thanks

For the laughter
For the arguments
For the phone calls
and most importantly
For the friendship...

*p.s. he is single*

Mr Lee and I -- Regardless of what happens, I still love you ;)















Chung Cheng babies 1999-2002 (1)















Chung Cheng babies 1999-2002 (2)

Just finished class chalet like not tooooo long ago... haha 25 people rsvpied... and some last min people turned up, and needless to say, some rsvp-ies mia-ed... I must say I was disappointed. Which in a way, happens even with cell group and church... But experience has taught me that in whatever happens, continue to stand strong and face all adversity with a smile...

I still love all of you no matter what... :)

shall blog l8r

Some of my dearies have been asking me what I want for Christmas...

Hehe... and All I want for Christmas Is you... and you and you and you...

Points to God

To everyone in Zion... :)

And of course my dear family...

TO my family... and my extended family in Perth... Obviously U guys are the ones I treasure the most... Only you can make me feel the way I feel... Your moods, your feelings are the reason I smile...

But of course there is one small other thing I want for Christmas...

And that is a Sony Vaio C~!!!! hehehe.... It is awfully cute...

But oh well...

Went CD shopping today... Bought Utada Hikaru and Streams of Praise and Point of Grace Christmas album... hmm... those are presents for people~!!!!! :)

Felt really blessed buying presents~!!!!!

Thanks for making me feel blessed~! Love ya

~Ting~

Thanks girl...

Yeah... all this rivalry in the family... all the "Christian and non-christian" terms... All the pretense that is skin deep is making me so annoyed...

I really want to throw up... and I am serious...

I wish we could turn back time to before I was 10... I think life was much more perfect then... At least siblings didn't hate each other... At least religion was not such a huge problem to anyone then... Sometimes I feel... I hate being born in this family... I wish I wasn't... I know U dun understand... I know Cheryl doesn't understand... Neither do I... Neither does my eldest sister...

Yes I truly hate the pretense... I hate them being all nice and all in front of each other... and backstab their brothers and sisters in front of the others... And U know who I'm talking about... God says Love is patient and kind... I truly wonder how long I can be truly patient and kind till... I love my parents... I really do... BUT sometimes I really don't understand how things can become like that...

Afterall God says honour your parents...

Dear, thank you for your encouragement... I know God will NOT make it harder than I can bear... Things happen which we cannot understand... BUT what we can do is to live a life that's exemplary... even the cousins... to love each other more than the brothers and sisters in the family do...

Thank you for your encouragement... I really treasure it... Muacks...

Psalms 92:12

The Righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon

Still

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Beneath your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King above the flood
I will be still, know you are God...

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King above the flood
I will be still, know you are God...

This song calmed me down... A lot of things happened today at home... cried till my eyes were a bit red... It was bad... cried everytime I thought about what happened... and cried while I was listening to the CHC sermon... Problems, problems and problems...

Was very tempted to give up... But God sent angels to encourage me... I felt very good after that...

To you, who called me all the way from Perth... Thank you... Tho we didn't say much due to the line crackling and all... it still meant so much to me... thank you...

To you, who knows what I am thinking about... knowing that the real burden in my heart is family... thank you... girl... thank you for understanding me without me even needing to say anything... you understand... you love me... and I am so blessed that you love me...

I know I have the strength to face anything again...

Thank You father, thank you...

When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with you above the storm... :)

I actually miss Zion so much... that I went on to the never changing website to look at it...

And I feel such a wave of nostalgia hitting me...

I miss you... I miss all of you...

I wish I was back home (I mean Perth) right now... I really really do...

Because I miss Zion... I miss everyone there... every single one...

Da jie jie called home today... and I asked her how Zion was on Sunday...

And she said there were sooooo little people... and I went "so I bet Terence had to go... Cherrie... can you sit there?"

"Yeah... we had to..."

Been praying for the passion to re-ignite my heart... For the passion for the lost... Somehow I feel lost myself... sometimes...

I guess I've been scared... I feel like... I've lost a part of me... But I can't point it out myself... Few people who don't really know me have pointed out that I look tired... that even though I'm smiling... There isn't the familiar glint in my eyes anymore...

God I hate this world of pretense...

Sometimes I really hate pretending... pretending to be someone I'm not... Pretending to smile even though I don't want to smile...

I hate pretending in front of my parents... Not telling them how I really feel...

Was looking through AdZ's phone that day... and saw the verses her mum smsed her... to read... and I felt really really touched... I wish I can have a relationship like that with my parents... I wish I can understand how they feel... I wish I can receive verses of encouragement...

But why is it all that I receive is verses of mockery

Of "U're fat..."

Of "U think that U're christian now U don't need your ancestors"

No matter how hard I try... No matter how much I do... I can never ever be good enough can I?

God... it hurts... it really does... I pray you take it away... God take away the hurt I feel at times... Take away the timidity... God U know I hide my fears by appearing strong... God... I pray, oh Lord that you show me the plans you have for me...

I hate pretending... To the extent I find myself fake... I hate smiling yet not meaning it...

BUT through it all... there is only ONE thing to be thankful of...

That God has never ever let me go... That God still loves me through it all...

Despite my sins...

Despite the fact that I am fat...

Despite the fact that I lie to get myself out of trouble...

Despite the fact that I act strong... yet I am really a baby inside...

Despite the fact that when I manja I am seeking for attention...

Despite the fact that I am not lovable most of the time...

Despite the fact that I say hurtful stuff and don't mean it...

Despite the fact that I denied Jesus time and again...

God still loves me...

God I only pray for your presence to be so real in my life... God show me the way... Teach me your ways... God...take away the hurts... Father, speak to me...

I love you...

and I know...

You love me... and You have always always loved me...

U guys know I've been pretty ... not myself these few days... hehe I assure U this will soon past... Because I have decided in my mind to let that person go...

Doesn't matter how much I think about that person...

Doesn't matter how much I feel about that person...

It is time to let go... :)

And be myself...

And soar in the sky... Free as a bird... as an eagle...

Father Lord I pray for you to guide me, for your plans to prevail in my life... In my life your will be done... Thank you father for your guidance... Thank you father for pulling me through... Amen...

Thank you for sharing my burdens with me... Listening to me go on and on... Listening to my uncertainties... Thank you for NOT laughing at me... Thank you for encouraging me on... Girls... I really appreciate you... even though I don't say it, because I find it so hard to say... Adz... thank you for being so frank with me... it really makes me feel so much better... MUacks...

I want to be faithful... really really... But I realised I'm still a coward...... So many things that happen... I can only be subtle... Realised that sometimes families can really teach the wrong things... eg... How can a 12 yr old kid comment that their uncle is a hypocrite????

I am so disappointed in my extended family... Don't get me wrong... I love my family... BUT... when it comes to teaching, the kids model the parents too much... when your dad says "ur uncle really loves you..." the kid says in a mocking manner "yeah jesus loves you"... To mock christianity, to mock the fact that they think that christians are hypocrites...

I am amazed...

And disappointed at the same time...

Come to think about it... I'm really blessed... I'm watching this HK drama called War and Beauty... gosh it is sooooo good I end up watching one episode after another... on and on... hard to press the stop button... because it is sooooo good :) and I realised I am sooooo blessed...

Not to be born in the Qing Dynasty... Imagine, once U are born your life purpose has been set for you... U are destined to marry the king and serve him forever... Once ladies go into the palace... they don't come out... NOR step out at all... That's why they get so bored and resort to backstabbing I reckon... How sad is that???? Very very very... I was calculating with my dad today...

There are 3000+ ladies in the palace... and given that the king/emperor has sex (of course I said sleep with when I was talking to my dad) 1 lady each day... imagine rotating till ur turn 10 yrs later???!!!!! Oh gosh... imagine 10 yrs... um... I think I won't be able to stand it... How on earth were the ladies able to stand it?!?!?!?! And this never happens... The king usually only spends time with the ladies whom he loves... and guess what??? Maybe U only get to sleep with the king once in your entire life...

And this is how their future is set... How it is ruined...

I am a lucky girl to be born in the 20th century...

Thank God...

I was just thinking...

These few days, topics between Me, Er Jie Jie and Adeline seem to be on guys, on marriage...

Maybe it's the marriage blues that Da Jie Jie is getting married soon... grinZ... seem like such a whirl... One of my sisters is getting married... End of next yr it's er jie jie and then it'll be my turn in maybe... 7 yrs???

Haha... yes I know everyone knows I want to get married by the age of 24... But I think that remains a fantasy... Afterall I'm not mature enough, in terms of thought, in terms of fending for myself... Am still a naive little thing in a big world... Sometimes I wonder... why do people think so differently to me? I'll never understand... Becaus God made us all different...

Actually I realised, I tend to really go all out for people I like, people I love... haha Not to gain their favour, but I really feel very blessed by seeing them blessed... I admit sometimes it might seem insignificant, but I really try my best hey... eg when I'm working or having class the next day... I stay up talking to u... that's because I treat U as a really good friend... Or when I wake up just to talk to you... that's because I love U... haha so which means... I am buggable... seriously... feel free to bug me alright???

BUT what makes me upset is when people start to take me for granted... actually I know I shouldn't be complaining; after all stuff happen... hehe... BUT oh well... I believe I haven't been taken for granted yet... or so I think... so oh well...

Remember my trip to Melbourne? I ended up with lots of mossy bites... (Or maybe it was caused by the surprise birthday party where I stood outside the house and waited for it to start) and I started scratching... being me... and guess what????? now my legs are full of scars and marks... so bad I really feel like crying... and I am serious... can't wear skirts for a long time without anyone seeing my scars... sigh... I really regret scratching... Moral of the story???? Don't go to Melbourne... Nor surprise birthday parties...

Ok I am just kidding...

OK back to marriage...

I realised we're all growing up... A sentence I read in a book says it all

"Today I worry about pimples, Tomorrow I worry about wrinkles"

Indeed, we are all growing up... Seems like yesterday (Of course this is just a simile because last night I stayed up talking to Adeline about troubles) we were talking about barbie and ken (by the way do U know that they broke up already?) or... Polly pocket dolls, cupcake dolls and ice cream dolls... Or even Enid blyton story books... Now... we talk about Boys, make up, marriage, weddings, church, relationships... A huge contrast in our topics... A huge contrast in what we've been through in life...

I can't say I'm smarter today than yesterday... Than 10 years before... But I've seriously grown up... learnt much more... seen more...

By the way, I got coloured contact lenses~!!!! Amethyst, Brown and Grey I think... hehe... GrinZ... still thinking of getting those big eyed lenses... those which make u look more innocent I think... hehe big big eyes... doe eyed... hmmm I hope I look good in them

Oh well...

See how it goes...

Went back to Chung Cheng again today... Make it a yearly routine to go back at least once a year when I go back to Singapore...

Brought back heaps of memories...

The time when I was growing up... From 13-16... That was the time where Chung Cheng shaped my life so much... Never ever thought I'd ever love a school so much, miss it so so much... Indeed, Chung Cheng has got its wonders, its beauty...

Arrived at school at 9am... realised Chung Cheng has become much more "cheena" in a way... Because there's actually a security guard house, which is built in the image of the school auditorium building... (Yes where the "Toa Pek Kong" sits)... Or maybe the Technical building... I dunno... Just the authentic Chinese roof thingy... haha... Walked through the entrance of Auditorium, Students were revising on history... They were "caught" to study history because they didn't do very well generally... This really brought back fond memories... Of Huiwen being "caught" every morning to do tian2 xie3 han4 zi4... I don't think students now actually understand how the teachers feel... How the teachers really have the burden in their hearts to help them do well... I never felt it so strongly before, until I stepped into school today... As people, we take everything for granted... Have this strange burden in my heart to want to go speak to them, and guide them on... The students were there physically, but 3/4 of them weren't even studying... walking around, going outside for walks, listening to music etc...

Met Miss Wong... Felt she's lost weight...

Huiyi and Huiwen were talking to miss Wong regarding the school lake... (which at one point they planned to cover up). BUT as much as they'd like to reclaim the land, there's really a maximum you can reclaim it. Because Chung Cheng is famous for its lake... Without the lake, I don't think Chung Cheng can be whole... The School lake brought back fond memories... Mr Zeng going "Zhong1 Zheng4 hu2 zhi3 neng2 yang3 wu1 gui1"... Apparently there were geese, rabbits and ducks... BUT I don't remember them at all...

Fond memories of Chinese Calligraphy

Memories of black dots on white skirt (Retro style~!!!!!)

Bats?!!~!!!

Crows...

The life in Chung Cheng was beautiful... Tho... we were pretty much contented in our 3 classes... of Higher Chinese... Didn't have much interaction with the other students on the 4th floor tho... Thus being known as the "gao1 hua2 san1 ban1"... The "san1 lou2 de ban1"... The Chung Cheng Spirit Award... The class decorations for CNY...

A walk down memory lane brought back many many memories... Miss Wong even made me play the piano~!

Then we had a walk to the old science building which is now used for CCA... It was renovated... So different, so beautiful now as compared to before... The grey, peeling paint has been changed to a beautiful beige-yellow colour. The ugly doors which were falling off was changed to beautiful, polished brown doors... The cracking granite(?) floors were changed to beautiful tiles... It has been changed... So beautiful... As we walked past the LT2... memories flooded back... Yes, the sky is crying... Grin... No... actually, the memories of me peeking at the back of the guy I used to like during HC remedial, memories of us arguing with Miss wong against Chinese Remedial... Boy we were a rowdy bunch! Walked to this room, called the pin3 cha2 shi4... or testing tea room? hehe... it teaches tea sampling to students... Awesome room... beautifully furnished with tea cups, pots, etc... the place for our "younger youth alumni" gathering... haha... then we went over to the next room to have a look... Chinese resource room... Full of Chinese books...

It's amazing to find how U have to leave something before you see how much that thing matters to you. I am serious...

Though I have left Chung Cheng now... A part of me will always remain... A growing up part of me... The part that has followed me for so so long... I love my school... always, always...

I realise a big part of me which really makes me want to stay behind in Singapore is Chung Cheng High School... I always feel the strong sense of coming back to serve my school... in any way after I go back to chung cheng... That intensifies the yi1 yi1 bu4 she3 feeling...

If I had a chance... I would bring my future spouse to visit the school... haha If I had a chance I'd encourage my students to go to Chung Cheng High...

I love you... Thank You...

Hey...

Got my results...

Pharmaceutics 58
Pharm Chem 74
Pharmacotherapy 61
Pharm Prac 64
Pharm Project PASS

Thank God for results... Thank God I passed... hehe but then now I feel a bit disappointed that I didn't do well enough to get into hospital pharmacy...

Weird that I only got 58 for pharmaceutics hey given that I spent 1 whole week focussing on that unit... so I wonder why... maybe I didn't answer straight to the point...

So... I'm a lil disappointed now... But nevertheless... Thank God

I am weak...

Hurting inside... hehe emotional turmoil...

It is a silly reason, But I still feel weak and silly...

Don't ask me why... Don't offer to help...

Cuz this is nothing serious... It's just because of a silly reason.... And sheryl... U know why... hehe

Oh well... maybe 2 ppl know the reason why... But dun ask me why... because...

:)